Ten reasons why snow is the worst

Snow: the “It-Girl” of precipitation… and the bane of my existence. Despite the inconvenience, hazardous nature and general coldness associated with heavy snowfall, it is still applauded as the prettiest, most popular version of water to ever fall from the sky. Snow is not Regina George. Snow is how the earth punishes us for being bad people. Snow is hate and I can prove it.

Reason 1: It is COLD

The only reason the snow can even stick to the ground is because it is so cold outside that the air and ground are below the freezing point of water; that means that humans could die in that weather if left without proper heat-conservation tools. Snow can only stay if we are already suffering. We live in the South and, if it were possible, I would support a ban on any weather below 50 degrees Fahrenheit.

Reason 2: It is slippery

Good luck building that snowman from Frozen with a broken hip.

Reason 3: The sun reflects off of it and burns out your corneas while giving you an awkward under-tan

Who wears sunscreen and sunglasses in winter? Answer: people who insist on going out in the snow, despite that fact that the refracted rays from the sun are literally killing every exposed cell on their bodies do. Did you know that the earth is actually closer to the sun during our winter? That means that the rays that usually burn you in the summer

Reason 4: Teachers freak out

How many tests, projects, labs and papers do you have due this week?

Reason 5: Events get cancelled

Sporting events, shows, movies and Valentine’s Day all suffered from the icy scourges.

Reason 6: It is impossible to drive anywhere

You just wanted to get home from school, but now your car is in a ditch and, about a mile from your house, you are incapacitated by wet, frozen socks and Starbucks Mocachino withdrawal.

Reason 7: Peter Pan Syndrome.

“As you get older, you have no choice but to acknowledge that snow is really inconvenient” says Rachel Smith (SR) while considering how much better life would be if we never had to mature.

Reason 8: Eat it and die

Snow is laced with dust, ash, pollution, and anything else that it comes in contact with during its one-mile free-fall from the stratosphere.

Reason 9: It is REALLY cold

You can’t go outside without cutting open a tauntaun and wearing it to your car. Unfortuanately, Johns Creek appears to be fresh out of tauntauns.

Reason 10: It kills people

Americans die due to snow-induced complications, such as loss of electricity/heat, falling trees and hypothermia.

 

(cover photo courtesy Aubrey Loria)

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