How to Lead a Perfect Teen Life for Girls

satire

LavanyaChellam

JourneySherman

Always wake up early in the morning to put on your makeup—make sure to get rid of the remnants of last night’s studying because one day the bags under your eyes will get you materialized designer bags on your arm. Right? Remember that no one will like you if you’re not pretty. You shouldn’t be able to recognize the girl in the mirror once you’re finished.  When it comes to clothes, this is key; make sure you dress for everyone else because that’s who matters most. Even if you hate it, wear it, because this is what everyone else likes— everyone else wants. It is imperative that you don’t forget to wear perfume. But not too much… just enough so they know you’re there. And that your femininity will linger with them. When you come down the stairs, don’t bother to respond to your mother’s “Have a great day” look; it’s too childish and cartoon-like. And as your mother pushes a plate of food in front of you, just remember that food is tasty, but not important enough for you to look bloated the entire day; just skip it. Who needs the calories anyway? Remember, it’s all about peer pressure and what makes you fit in.

        Also, make sure you carry the newest-fashioned bag; no backpacks. Only carry bags that are costly, bright and the latest style. Just walk out the door with that arrogance to the bus stop. If you had a car, life would be so much better. Get on the bus swiftly, and find the farthest seat in the back—never sit in the first fifteen rows, or your friends will never forgive you. Remember, it’s all about fitting in. Always walk slowly into class; you need to find your friends to gossip with. It’s always okay to be late to class; tardiness is never as great of an issue as ignoring gossip. Then, make sure to always twirl your hair around during class, however short it may be. It’s all about sitting in front of the boys and getting their attention. Smile at the teacher every now and then; it’s all about showing your teeth to the hungry boys across the room. Give them what they want. Forget the lesson; trigonometry is practically useless in real life. It’s all about whether Dean or Travis asks you out to Homecoming. Then, during lunch, eat as little as possible. In fact, it looks really good if you waste most of the food— it’s diplomacy and your popular friends like that. Besides, wasting food isn’t a big deal at all, not compared to fitting in with your friends or your clothes.

After school, don’t take the bus. Hang out with your friends; just hang around and start the gossip once more. Forget all about homework; it’s all useless. Get home as late as possible, and never give an answer with more than three words to your parents. They like that and it’s what’s expected anyways.  And most importantly, never eat a meal with your parents (that’s lame); it’s not what teens do. Take what you want and eat upstairs, behind the closed door of your room. It’s all about fitting in with your friends, and the more you follow these, the better your future will be.

You absolutely must sleep with your phone. You never know, one of your friends could have an emergency, or that unattainable boy might finally text you. Don’t go to sleep before 2 a.m. ; it’s just messaging and texting and chatting till then. Never care about how sleepy you get; your body needing rest can’t come between chatting with those popular girls about that one guy who was just so cute. It’s all about fitting in, not about who we are or what we value. It’s all about peer pressure; it’s about what they want; it’s all about how you fit in.

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